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Literature Text
Once the nerves are swallowed,
I'll bring you reasonable
public speaking skill
with only a little encouragement.
Speed reader, nit-picky editor--
will find your typos and point
your eyes to grammatics
(your 'yore' and your 'you're' won't sneak past
these eager eyes).
Art director, nursemaid and teacher,
I can juggle children with paperwork
and wrangle a smile from a small girl
dressed in photo finery, or a laugh
from a toddler: mid-tantrum.
I can scrunch up small and slip
beneath the folds of a suitcase;
or stretch out my muscles
to imitate the giraffe
whose burnt-purple tongue
reaches into his nostrils.
I'm sure you'll agree--
this is a talent you cannot pass up.
My dedication will turn competitors
to rainforests, crawling with envy
they will slide beneath your success.
I will bring a thrum of life,
cheer the darker days and twist
until I am wringing out sunshine.
I'm walking chaos
but my absence leaves a gap
you'll notice later.
I'll bring you reasonable
public speaking skill
with only a little encouragement.
Speed reader, nit-picky editor--
will find your typos and point
your eyes to grammatics
(your 'yore' and your 'you're' won't sneak past
these eager eyes).
Art director, nursemaid and teacher,
I can juggle children with paperwork
and wrangle a smile from a small girl
dressed in photo finery, or a laugh
from a toddler: mid-tantrum.
I can scrunch up small and slip
beneath the folds of a suitcase;
or stretch out my muscles
to imitate the giraffe
whose burnt-purple tongue
reaches into his nostrils.
I'm sure you'll agree--
this is a talent you cannot pass up.
My dedication will turn competitors
to rainforests, crawling with envy
they will slide beneath your success.
I will bring a thrum of life,
cheer the darker days and twist
until I am wringing out sunshine.
I'm walking chaos
but my absence leaves a gap
you'll notice later.
Suggested Collections
Shamelessly nabbed from *glossolalias who wrote the first, and *toxic-nebulae who hinted toward a trend.
Like my real resume, all the good points in this except the giraffe-tongue thing are things others have said about me. The giraffe-tongue bit, that's all mine. (And not on my actual resume, because even in childcare, some things should remain a mystery to your boss.)
Also, I'm sure "grammatics" isn't a real word, but I don't care.
My ResumeGood reading comprehension,
adequate typing skills,
adept at mental math and making
statistical graphs from lists of information.
Experience with computer programming,
obsessive organization,
thorough proofreading abilities complemented
by an inclination toward triple-checking.
I can develop fictional hierarchies
to understand the social politics surrounding
and talk for hours about nothing,
rattle off facts about Isherwood, Turing, Nilsen.
Boredom doesn’t affect me,
I read the labels on everything,
pull the clutter out of my closet just
to put it all back in a less ergonomic order.
Three days is the longest I’ve been silent,
my resumewitty, articulate, clever,
good public speaking ability,
reads 862 words per minute.
excellent editor, can pick out
typographical and grammatical errors in text,
can name logical fallacies in the original Latin.
intelligent, opinionated and
occasionally insightful,
quick temper, killer legs.
I can be your Manic-depressive
Pixie Dream Girl, I can subvert any trope,
I can go on for hours about
art and literature and feminist media theory.
I make a great cup of tea,
I leave everything around me in a constant state
of beautiful disarray, I ward off boredom
through sheer force of will.
I can recite the periodic table
up to roentgenium, I know
Like my real resume, all the good points in this except the giraffe-tongue thing are things others have said about me. The giraffe-tongue bit, that's all mine. (And not on my actual resume, because even in childcare, some things should remain a mystery to your boss.)
Also, I'm sure "grammatics" isn't a real word, but I don't care.
Comments25
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Do you have a super long tongue!? Me too! I'm part giraffe! Maybe that's a Sam thing too!